i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
