That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
