I could make wine with my vomit
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
