Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
