fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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