no, he came in my armpit
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
did i just pee glitter
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize