Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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