the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
