she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
