My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
