Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
ttyl tear gas
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
