grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
