M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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