I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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