maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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