Can i not drive my cunt home
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
