I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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