So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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