Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
