I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
