I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
