Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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