if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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