I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
