you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Drake has all the answers
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
