I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
