he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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