I haven't been this sober since birth.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize