i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
