you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
