I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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