Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
