Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I need help removing her.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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