he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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