what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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