I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
