This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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