Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
