this beer tastes like vomit already
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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