U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Tell her she can't have a vagina
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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