What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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