It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
