The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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