Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
