i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
