we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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