How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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