real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
