I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
