Dual....:-)
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
