no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
