And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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