what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
