I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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