if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
