there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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