I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
