I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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