I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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