I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
