Your face is a jimmy john
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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