My nipple is on Facebook.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize