oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
