apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize