I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize