when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
