I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
