so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
