For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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