On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
