it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
third nipple confirmed
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
