While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
