My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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