I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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